I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
