You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
