i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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