Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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