how can u be prego again
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
