Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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