I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
