I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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