I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
