i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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