I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
