How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
