Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
