I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
