Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
