i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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