Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Randomize
