Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
