You're my little dorito
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
