it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
