Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
