Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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