come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
