I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
