Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
