Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I believe in your delicious
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
