Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
