You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
