Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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