i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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