I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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