i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
