I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
