So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she smelled like a LAN party
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
