So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
