did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
