My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he had hair everywhere except his balls
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
