We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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