it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
