no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
