There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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