He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
