My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
