whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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