y did u give ur computer a hand job?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
