I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
