This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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