Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
