I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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