apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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