Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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