i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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