as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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