Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
