Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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