I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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