I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
