I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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